Heart Sisters: Be The Friend You Want To Have

I submitted an application and was invited to become part of a book launch team for Heart Sisters: Be The Friend You Want To Have and was asked to give a book review.

A little about the author… Natalie Snapp lives in West Lafayette, Indiana -- which holds a special place in my heart because it's my hometown! She is a lovely, down-to-earth mom, friend, and just an all-around amazing woman.

I'm going to be very honest and transparent here… I had the pleasure of hearing Natalie speak about "Heart Sisters" about a year ago at a ladies luncheon at one of my own Heart Sisters' church. I'm not going to lie, that day was monumental for me. Not only did I meet this amazing woman (and her mother, who is equally as amazing!), but it was the day I woke up and realized changes needed to be made in my life.

If you've read previous posts in my blog, you know that I have severe fibromyalgia. It doesn't define me, but it has forced me to make some lifestyle changes. I've had to pull back from lots of things, and with that came some health changes, some friendship changes, and just life changes in general. It's been a very trying couple of years - both physically and emotionally. And please let me be the first to say -- I'm far from perfect. In fact, I'm very imperfect. I've been a good friend, and I've been a bad friend. I'm really working on the latter because I did a lot of things wrong. Sometimes life situations change people -- and I will be the first to admit, I've changed. To me, I feel it's for the better. To others, they may not feel the same. All I know is that I've done what I needed to do for ME.

The Heart Sisters book touched on so many things that I was struggling (and still do struggle) with. Natalie had been through issues with friends in the past as well, and discovered that a book on how to navigate these waters didn't exist… so she wrote one. And wow, has it ever been helpful!!

Through counseling and this book, it has been reinforced over and over… and Natalie states it perfectly in Chapter 2, "Until we 'get right with God', we'll continue to spin our relational wheels and live with frustration and confusion." She also says, "it wasn't until I made my relationship with Jesus the #1 priority above all else that I began to realize my other relationships were lacking a certain depth I didn't even know was missing." I cannot agree with this more.

My journey of faith has had it's ups and downs over the years, but the past couple, it has really been stepped up. I found a church that I have been searching for, for what feels like all of my life, and for the first time ever, I feel like a soul on fire. And that's an awesome feeling, friends! My priorities are right where they should be. God, family, friends, and whatever else comes next.

After hearing Natalie speak about Heart Sisters, and hearing about the 3 Inner Hearts, which she also talks about in Chapter 3: Inner (1-3 most trusted friends), Middle (4-6 friends that you "do life with"), Outer (Season of Life friends), and Heart Potential (on the outside of "outer" (acquaintances) -- I was able to evaluate some relationships that I could feel weren't quite right.

After some issues arose with some friends that shook me to my core, it was suggested in counseling that I set boundaries…and Natalie talks about the very same thing in Chapter 6. She states, "boundaries are not unkind, boundaries are not un-Christian, boundaries are not ungrateful, boundaries are not unhealthy. When we place boundaries around unhealthy relationships, we're guarding our hearts." Yes Yes Yes! After some evaluating, I realized that I had some unhealthy relationships where boundaries had been crossed, trust had been broken, and there was a lot of hurt. I'm not going to say that I was perfect in any of this, because I'm not -- hurt feelings sometimes cause us to say and do things that we wish we could take back. We're all human, and sometimes our feelings get the best of us.

All of this left me thinking how grateful I was for the core women I have in my life…my Heart Sisters. My inner hearts. The ones who give encouragement, unconditional love, are God-centered, the ones I trust with my life, and the ones who are positive to their cores. They are the ones who can read me like a book and know when something is wrong…sometimes even before I know that something's wrong. They know my actions and my thoughts, and call me out when something's not right…like when I became extremely negative, when I acted like a jerk, and when I was depressed. These women pulled me aside, and I listened. In Chapter 4, Natalie says "Heart Sisters turn on the lights and stab you in the front so darkness is defeated." Just, yes.

There are so many things that spoke to me in this book -- I mean literally, I think I highlighted over half of the book! I could go on for pages and pages telling you about this book, but I'll spare you. I will say this, I wish a book like this had existed when I was younger! Friends are integral in life. Heart Sisters are such a blessing. And after reading this book, I was able to realize that some friends are/were for a season of life, some are Heart Sisters, some are mentors, and some are acquaintances. I was able to learn the difference between a clique and a tight-knit group, as well as the quality of friends over quantity. I was able to set boundaries with friends. I learned about being a peacemaker. I learned about Super Seven Sisters. I just learned… a lot. I'm ashamed to say that it took me until my 40's to learn some of these things!

Every woman needs to read this book not only for herself, but to share with their daughters…or those who are aunts to young girls…or mentors…or friends…or, or, or… you get the point. I cannot recommend this book enough!

With the risk of sounding corny, I believe that Natalie came into my life for a reason. From the moment I heard her speak, she spoke on so many things that were going on in my life. I had major friendship issues. She led online bible studies that spoke to me like a loud-speaker. This book has been part of a healing process for me, and now being able to share the book with you all, it has just all come full circle. Things happen for a reason, friends! I would just like to say thank you, Natalie, for having this vision, and seeing it come to fruition!

If you'd like to read and experience this book, you can find it here. If you are lucky enough to have Heart Sisters of your own, these books make excellent gifts.

I'd like to share (from Natalie) a spectacular giveaway going on right now! Check it out!

One lucky winner will receive a "Girl's Night Out" - includes a $100 Visa card, mani/pedi kit, fun summer polish, a clutch handbag and a camera.

You can enter by going to my Facebook Author Page (www.facebook.com/AuthorNatalieSnapp) and clicking the "Girl's Night Out Giveaway" tab. Follow the directions and voila! You're entered.

If you would like to share, the mobile friendly link is:http://prmo.me/5cM4qm

Boys will be boys...

This isn't going to be the "boys will be stinky boys" post that you might expect. This one has a little twist.

The back story:

So, yesterday wasn't a good day. The day started out with fibro pain & horrible fatigue, but I knew I needed to get several errands done - they needed to be done, and there was no putting them off. So, I contacted a friend to see if she wanted to ride along. I hadn't seen her in forever, and I knew if I had someone else along, my motivation would be much greater to get out of the bed that had accepted me as it's own.

I picked her up, we ran (okay, drove) all over the greater Hamilton County area, got our errands done, giggled, caught up (because it had been forever since we'd seen each other), had lunch, and I dropped her back to her home. I went home and crashed. My pain level was climbing quickly, and the fatigue… it felt like I had 50-lb weights attached to every limb of my body. I needed to rest.

As I was driving my friend home, my husband tried to FaceTime my phone. Now, I'm barely coordinated enough to talk on my phone while driving (ask anyone who has witnessed this!), so FaceTiming was out of the question. At a stop light, I texted him that I would FaceTime him as soon as I got home. Well, that never happened. FaceTime wouldn't connect on either end, so we resorted to a text conversation. Normally, that would be fine… but I really needed to hear his voice, and I just needed to really talk to him, y'know? It had been a day, and he's my one & only that can talk me through some specific things…and I needed him to do that. So we texted, and he still managed to talk me down, and I was grateful.

As the afternoon led to the evening, the fibro was kicking my hiney. I was driving the boys to their bible studies, and I cracked. I broke down. I started crying. I think the boys have only seen me cry maybe three times in their lives. I am not one to break down in front of people - I just don't. I can usually keep it together, but I just couldn't yesterday. Everything hit me at once & this was the result…which completely confused the boys. They didn't know what was going on. I mean, why would they?! When asked what was wrong, I gave them a vague Cliff Notes version. How they reacted was very true to their personalities.

Thing 1 responded in a very calm & cool manner, and the kid gave some sage advice. "Mom, you need to talk to someone you really trust, and they will guide you in the right direction, and can maybe help with a coping strategy." All of this from a 15-year old. (he's going to make a great husband!)

Thing 2 was very quiet & didn't say anything. I knew he was processing things, as he always does.

I dropped them off at their respective places, ran an errand, went home, cried, prayed, and felt better.

I picked up Thing 2 from his bible study first. He came out to the car, checked my expression to make sure I was okay, then smiled. He got in the car, gave me a hug, and said, "Mom, I prayed for you tonight." And my heart swooned…and my eyes started to fill up. This time, it wasn't because everything hit me at once…it was out of pure love. (he's going to make a great husband, too!)

I picked up Thing 1, and as he was walking to the car, he checked my expression as well, gave me a 'thumbs up', and climbed into the car.

So, in the midst of the chaos that we're experiencing right now, we are truly a team. As I was feeling every emotion known to man, I had two boys that were looking out for me. I hated that I broke down in front of them. They are feeling tons of emotions with their dad being gone right now, too. But as a friend said to me, "You're human. You have emotions! Sometimes they need to sneak out." And, she's right.

When you tend to stereotype boys, you think they don't have or show emotions. But that's just not true. These two have such beautiful hearts, and are very caring -- each in their own way. My pride in and for them is bursting right now! In all the ways I've failed, or at least thought I failed, I did two things right…and I could not be more proud of them!

And you know what? Today is a new day, and it's amazing what some sleep can do for your outlook on things.  :)

Wondering on Wednesday

I have a blogging friend who shares pictures every Wednesday with the title "Wondering on Wednesday".  She always finds funny things going on around her house & snaps a picture.  I decided to borrow that title today.

This morning when I was opening up the curtains in Thing 2's room, I happened to look out the window to find this...

First, please excuse the quality of this picture -- it was taken with my cell phone, and it's not super clear.  But second, do you see the handprint??  

All day long, I've been scratching my head, trying to figure out 1) how the hand print GOT there, and 2) WHYYYY is there a handprint outside of his window??!!  Was he trying to escape?!  

So, I asked Thing 2 when he got home what this was all about.  His answer?  "Mom, whenever it snows, I always grab the snow to see if it's 'snowball quality'…"  Ahhh, yes.  Snowball quality snow.

And, there you have it.  And in case you were wondering, the latest snow we had was NOT snowball quality.    

Big Pharma

In light of my last post, I thought I'd continue with the Fibromyalgia journey.  And a journey is just what it has been.

After doing a ton of research, I went to my doctor.  You see, the side-effects of my medication were (to me) outweighing any good it was supposed to be doing.  Whenever I'd call the doctor's office with a new "ailment", it was considered a side-effect of the medication.  And many times there was an offer of another prescription to alleviate said side-effect.  Had I gotten every prescription filled, I would've had the meds list of a 90-year old!  It was reaching the point of ridiculous for me.  I was too young to feel as old as I did, and as rotten as I did.  The bad days far outweighed the good, and my energy level was at an all-time low.  Horrible depression kicked in, which was ironic, because the medication I was on was in fact, an anti-depressant that was highly used for Fibromyalgia pain.  But with the depression, things started to spiral -- and not in a good way.

In the process of side-effect after side-effect, relationships started falling apart.  You see, when you're a hermit, people tend to think you're avoiding them… which couldn't have been farther from the truth.  When I don't feel well, I curl up in a ball and pretty much hide from the world.  Not because I want to, but because when I hurt, I hurt everywhere.  I can't be touched, and every single thing jumps up & down on my last nerve.  I will have the TV on, but the volume completely down…simply because I can't stand the noise.  So when I had a friend offer to come & sit with me, it was a beautiful gesture, but one that would've made me completely crazy.  How do you politely say "I'm sorry, but you being here will make me miserable, but…thanks anyway"??  So you see, this is how relationships can fall apart, friends & family included.  Which makes depression spiral even more.  You see people living their lives, and you're not able to live yours the way you want to -- so you just crawl back into your shell.  It's a vicious cycle.  I had to, however, be selfish and take care of myself.  I had to take back charge of my life!

Back to my doctor… after wanting to prescribe more & more prescriptions to alleviate side-effects, I asked him if I could just get OFF of the medications & see how things went.  Because in all honesty, I didn't feel anywhere near as bad before I started taking the Fibro meds.  He was very much against it.  BUT, he wasn't the one that was living inside my body, I was.  And I couldn't take living like that anymore!  I thanked him for his opinion, but asked him how I could get off of the meds.  Begrudgingly, he counseled me on how to titrate off of the medication, but with a side order of "when you come back in here begging to be put back on the meds, I'm not going to say 'I told you so' (but he would've)".  This was not one that you could just stop taking cold-turkey.  And boy, he was right.

If you want some light reading (insert sarcasm) sometime, Google "Cymbalta Withdrawal".  It's the stuff that nightmares are made of.  I'm not even kidding.

So on July 1st, I started my titration down off of the medication.  The first week wasn't so bad.  The second week was worse.  The third week was hell.  The fourth week was PURE hell.  The fifth week was a little better than hell.  The sixth week was okay.  The seventh week was doable.  The eighth week was good.  I had been on the medication for just a little over a year, and it took me eight weeks.  E-I-G-H-T WEEKS to feel somewhat like myself again.  For some people who had been on the meds for years & years, it takes them months & months & months to get back to normal.  I would have to say the "brain zaps" were the very worst.  The only way I can describe a "brain zap" is that it's like having a jolt of electricity shot up into your brain -- only you never know when it's coming.  Sometimes it would be in rapid succession, and others, just one at a time.  And it would sound like a cymbal crashing in your ear at the same time.  Add on the extreme nausea, and wow, I was a walking party.  A walking, exhausted party.  The nausea would hit between 2-3 pm, and would last until the next morning.  During this uber-fun time was our vacation, as well as my birthday.  Try scuba diving with "brain zaps"… not fun.  For my birthday, my husband surprised me by renting a convertible for me.  And I was so excited for it!  However, he had to drive it home from dinner because I was so sick.  Nothing like hanging your head in front of the a/c vent because you're afraid you're going to hurl all over the interior of this beautiful car!!  And when plans change and you can meet a best friend for a birthday cupcake (because you have extremely low blood sugar), and when plans change from a lake house location to a hotel, and your 3 best friends take care of you -- and enjoy your convertible (because your husband rented it for you for the entire weekend - because he's just THAT awesome!) in the spurts where you feel somewhat human…and the best friend who texted you daily, and the cousin that texted you daily… those times are golden.

Only a handful of people knew about me going off of the medication.  Why?  Because if I didn't succeed in coming off, I didn't want to look like a failure.  And these were people that I trusted with every bone in my body.  I now know what a drug addict must feel like.  As awful as I felt while ON that medication, the withdrawal symptoms were so vile, that it crossed my mind multiple times to just get back on it so I wouldn't have to feel the way I did.  And what a vicious, horrible cycle that would've been.

I know many people who have had great success with taking Cymbalta for Fibromyalgia, or for depression, and I'm happy & grateful for them.  I, however, am not a success story, and that drug to me, is the devil.  There is a time & place for "Big Pharma", and I'm coming to realize, it's just not always for me.  Please, don't get me wrong… if I'm really sick, I'll take the medicine!  But when it causes more problems than it's helping, well, it's not for me.

Want to know what side-effects I had while on the medication?  Better sit down…
          Weight gain, brain fog, memory loss, hair loss, headaches, nausea, dry mouth, dizziness, rash, swelling, pain, panic attacks, extreme thirst, low blood sugar, tremors, neuralgia, sweating, fever, insomnia, excessive fatigue, …and these are just the ones that come to mind at the moment.  Or, what's left of my mind!  It's very scary to me that this medication completely wiped out parts of my memory.  I don't recall a lot from the year I was on this medication.  And the year prior to that, while I was on two other medications, was nearly the same.

So, after I had completely detoxed off of the medication, I began to realize how "not myself" I had been for nearly two years.  I had energy again!  My pain was still there, but not as intense, and not so constant.  It was manageable.  I wanted to be social again.  I wanted to go out & DO things with my kids -- things I had been unable to do.  I felt like "me" again!

I started eating well.  I started exercising again (when I could).  I began meditating.  I utilized massage therapy & acupuncture.  I began using essential oils daily - for everything.  I reevaluated relationships.  And I gained my life back.

I owe my strength to God, because He was the one who got me through everything… I literally owe everything to Him… His faith never left me.  My gratitude for my husband & kids is unmeasurable.  My parents were paramount in my recovery.  The friends & family that stuck with me and didn't turn on a dime were & are invaluable.

All this to say that what this entire process boils down to is trust, and mine was shaken to its very core.  Trust your gut.  Trust your intuitions. Trust your journey.  If things don't feel right, they probably aren't.

I have to trust that my doctor had my best interest in mind, however writing extra scripts wasn't the solution for me.  I had to trust that I knew my body better than he did, since I was the one living in it, and saw it crumbling.  I had to trust those closest to me to help pull me through the best & worst.  I had to trust that taking care of myself from the inside out is what was best… and so far, that has been proven to me.

This past year has been a journey of trust.  One I choose to never repeat, and one I'm still reeling from, but I will get there.  My journey for 2015 is PEACE.  I've got to make peace with the past year in order to trust again.  Does that make sense?  While it sounds weird to say that I'm grateful for bad things that happened this year, I am.  Why?  Because it opened my eyes to so many new things.  Holistic healthcare.  My faith.  My relationships.  My well-being.  My journey.  Myself.

Trust = Peace.  Peace = Happiness.  Happiness = Journey.

I know not everyone will understand this journey, and that's okay.  It's my journey!  I hope you all can find your own, too!

J