Day 8 -- Worst Habits

The prompt for today is... Worst Habits

Does anyone really want to admit their worst habits? Guess it's time to face the music.

1. I think the mother of all of my bad habits is being my toughest critic. I tend to be a perfectionist/people pleaser, and therefore if I do something, I'm always trying to figure out how to do it better. I don't like to fail! For example, just last week, I was asked to bring a pumpkin roll to our tailgate party. In my 40-cough cough years, I've never made one. So as not to face potential disaster by serving my very first one to a crowd of people, I made a practice pumpkin roll earlier in the week. It cracked. It tasted great, but didn't look that great. I mean, once it's sliced, you can't really tell that it's cracked... but I could tell. And that wasn't good enough. So when it came time to make THE pumpkin roll, I was meticulous. I made sure to baby it as I was rolling it up. It cooled. It looked perfect. I spread the filling over it, then started to roll it back up. It cracked. 😠 At that point, I didn't have time to try another one, so I sliced it and just accepted the fact that it wasn't perfect. And you know what? People ate it, and it was delicious. I need to get over myself!

2. I clench my teeth. I've done it for as long as I can remember. I've worn a mouth guard when I sleep for at least the last 20 years. I'm not gonna lie, it's super sexy. 😂 However, here of late, I've been waking up with headaches nearly every day, and my neck/shoulders were killing me. I had started seeing a chiropractor again because my back was all kinds of jacked up. I mentioned this to her, and she started poking around, and found the issue... I'd been clenching my teeth so much that the muscles around my mouth, ears, neck, and shoulders were like rocks. After seeing her several times, I've been headache free, and now I'm hyper-aware of when I'm clenching my teeth. It's years & years of bad habits that I'm trying to break. It's not going to fix itself overnight, but I'm working diligently on trying to reverse it.

3. I take a lot of things personally, I internalize most everything, and I overthink everything. These three things combined equal the perfect storm. I get my feelings hurt, I won't say anything, and then I replay a conversation over & over in my head and end up with anxiety over everything. Welcome to inside Jenni's brain! It's scary in here. **I feel like I should explain -- if I get my feelings hurt & don't say anything, it's usually because I just need to step back, take some time, and analyze what happened. 99% of the time, time fixes it. I just like to look at things from all angles.

4. I tend to jump on the defensive as my first response -- more so with my husband than anyone. I think it's just because I want to be everything he wants, and when I feel that I'm not, I jump to defend myself. THAT is a bad habit. 99% of the time, it's me overreacting over something he was just trying to tell me. Or, see numbers 1 & 3. 😉

I think that's enough of my worst habits. I know I have more, but this is all I feel like sharing for today. Ha!

Day 7 -- What's In My Bag

Today's prompt is... What's In My Bag?

Boring? Yes. Helpful? Maybe. And for the record, I have zero affiliation with any of these companies, except doTERRA... I can hook you up with some essential oils.

I have a clear plastic bag that has been lovingly referred to as my "Mary Poppins" bag. Why? Because it has everything you'll need in there -- and I can easily move it from handbag to handbag or travel bag! And when traveling, all liquids are in this bag & everything is 3oz or less, so it's easy to remove for TSA checks.





















What's actually IN my Mary Poppins bag?


First and foremost, I always have peppermint gum. Always. It wards off nausea (I get dizzy a LOT -- I know, a literal dizzy blonde --, and therefore get nauseous), and gives you fresh breath! You'll always find lip gloss/lipstick/anything lip related -- I'm a sucker for all lip products; Hand sanitizer; Hand lotion; Advil; Bandaids & Q-tips; Emery board; Sharpie marker; Hair stuff (hair tie, bobby pins, headband, clampy thing -- I don't know what it's called!); Ambre Essence perfume oil -- it's just about the only perfume I wear now... it's portable, and it smells amazing; And last but not least... essential oils! I've got most of the essentials: Lavender (to calm & soothe), Melaleuca (all-inclusive, soothing, purification), Peppermint (for headaches, nausea), Frankincense (for anxiety, pain/inflammation, immune system), OnGuard in beadlets (to boost immune system -- hello, airplanes/airports), Peppermint beadlets (for nausea & fresh breath), and DigestZen (upset tummies).

What's in my current handbag?



My Vera Bradley PURDUE lanyard wallet; earbuds; gum (of course); cough drops; sunglasses; random lip products -- and they're all just about the same color -- if anything, I'm totally predictable in that arena; comb, paper/pencil; hair tie; and my Mary Poppins bag. If I were a guessing girl, there are probably some old receipts floating around in the pockets of that purse, too. Oh, and I always have my phone, but I was using it to take the picture, so...

We seem to be traveling a lot more now, and when we do, I don't usually lug a big handbag along. One, it's heavy. And two, I don't want to schlep that thing through airports... especially if we have to run to catch the connecting flight!

For when I need portability, I use a small cross-body purse from Vera Bradley. I'm not name-dropping. I've tried lots of cross-body purses, and these are my favorite -- not because they're particularly Vera Bradley, but because they're the right size, and you can throw them in the washing machine!

What's even better about this size purse, is when we travel by air, I usually take a backpack as my carry-on. I'm pretty much a "what not to wear" person when I travel, and I don't care. It's function over fashion as far as I'm concerned! Anyway, this purse goes perfectly in my backpack.

So, there you go. Me and my bag of tricks!

Day 6 -- Pet Peeves

Today's prompt is... My Pet Peeves

I try to be pretty even-keeled, but there are just some things that ruffle my feathers.

1. When people considerably younger than me & do not know me, call me "hon", "sugar", or "sweetie". Just, no.

2. Rude salespeople/customer service. I get it, each day is not great and I understand some jobs just aren't fun. Maybe you've had a bad day, but if I'm being cheerful and smiling, and trying to make a transaction/phone call pleasant, and you clearly don't care, don't look up, grunt, or are short with me for no reason... yeah, that's no bueno. You're a direct reflection of whatever place in which you're employed.

3. Getting direct messages on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter from people I've never met, trying to sell me something. "Hey girl, I was just noticing your profile and I have a product that I know you'd love!" First, you don't know me. Second, you're creeping on my profile? Third, you know I'd love this product? How? YOU DON'T KNOW ME! I get it, you're in direct sales, and you're "cold calling" people. But I'm not your target. Trust me on this.

4. People who continually post with their profiles set on "Public". Maybe it's because we're a military family and we keep things locked down, but I don't need random people knowing where I'm at, where my kids are, what their names are, just anything. For the longest time, even on my locked-down personal social media pages, I referred to my kids as "Thing 1" and "Thing 2". Why? Simply because I didn't want someone they didn't know to come up to them calling them by name like they knew them. If your profile is public, anyone in the world has access to your photos, your location, where you're employed, if you've tagged in at your kids' schools... everything. To me, that seems like a nightmare waiting to happen.

Business pages are totally exempt from this. Obviously, you're not posting your personal information there... at least I hope you're not!

5. People who tailgate me. If you tailgate me, that's a 90% guarantee that I'm going to slow down or tap my brakes. Or both. (I may/may not have some road rage issues.) Look, I don't waste any time getting anywhere, so if you're tailgating me, there's a 100% chance we're both already speeding.

6. Airplane faux-pas. When we arrive at the gate, it's not a race to see who can get to the front of the plane first, folks. We're all jam-packed into the same space. Unless you have a connecting flight leaving in 5 minutes, slow your roll Mr. Important Convention Goer. There's etiquette. You get off the plane from the front to the back, row by row. It's as easy as buckling the seatbelt... unless you don't know how that works either? And dropping your "I threw in everything I own & it's super heavy" carry-on suitcase on my head as you drag it down? You're not making this situation better. And people who feel the need to take off their shoes? On a long flight, I guess I kind of understand that, but dude, if your feet are sweaty & stinky, NO ONE wants to smell that. But for an hour-long flight? Really? Don't even get me started on the ones who take off shoes and socks. Do you know how disgusting that floor is? Furthermore, if you stick your foot between the seats, I'm going to throw up. I've seen it happen, folks. It's gross. There's a reason I wipe everything down as soon as I sit down on an airplane!

I know I have more, but I'll leave you with these. I know I already sound cranky enough. (Hey, GET OFF MY LAWN!) If these somehow pertain to any of you, in no way have I meant to offend you. These are just MY pet peeves. I'm entitled to them.

Day 5 -- Fears

Today's prompt is... Fears

Wow. Nothing like sharing your fears with the world (or the 3 of you who read this blog). So, here goes!

1. Someone taking/hurting my kids. Hands down, my worst fear ever. I don't think this one needs any explanation.

2. Heights. I sort of conquered this one while on our cruise this summer by doing the ropes course & dangling out over the side of the ship about 17 stories up, but that was on a small scale. Things always sound like a great idea... until I look down. My oldest son & my nephew talked me into going on the "Drop Tower" at Kings Island. I don't think my hands have ever sweated that much in my entire life. My son said all he could hear on the way down was me screaming. They talked me into going a second time right away. I thought "it shouldn't be as bad the second time, right?" Wrong. Still scary, still screamed my head off. Needless to say, I don't look to go skydiving anytime soon.

3. Grating that you can see through. Like, the vents in the sidewalks? Yeah. I'm the person that purposely walks around them. It doesn't matter if I'm mid-conversation with you, I'll divert my path, jump, or whatever is necessary to avoid walking on the sidewalk vents!

4. Stairs or playground equipment that you can see through. Like the metal ones with holes/drains in them? I will literally start sweating. When my oldest niece was probably 3, I took her to a park where there was one of those huge slides where you slide down on a burlap sack. Do you remember those? Anyway, she bolted up the see-thru stairs like lightning. I, on the other hand, was hand-over-hand, holding onto the railing, sweating, and hoping I didn't pass out due to fear of falling. Meanwhile, my niece in all of her cute sassiness, is standing at the top with her hands on her hips saying "Aunt Jenni, hurry UP!" Suffice it to say, my kids never had that opportunity because their mom was too much of a chicken to do it again!

5. Wolves. I have no idea why. It's not like I've had a bad run-in with one, but I've had nightmares about wolves for as long as I can remember. A few years ago, my husband rented the movie "The Grey", starring Liam Neeson. The Cliff's Notes version: a group of men are flying home. Plane crashes. It's cold & snowy. A pack of giant (at least it seemed to me), hungry wolves stalk, hunt, and end up (spoiler alert) killing them all. I watched most of that movie under a blanket, to which my husband laughed. And, I had a nightmare about wolves that night. My hubs now understands my fear. I know it's an irrational fear, but there you have it.

6. Scorpions. When my oldest son was just a few weeks old, we lived in Oklahoma. My husband was sleeping in the extra bedroom because he had an early flight, and needed good sleep. (It's difficult to get that when you have a newborn!) I had just finished feeding our son, and had him laying next to me, with the body pillow on the other side of him. I drifted off to sleep, and something woke me up. It was dark in the room, but with enough light coming in through the window, I could see a small, dark figure crawling up the body pillow, right next to my son. Being half-asleep, I was trying to figure it all out. Then I saw the tail curl up & over the figure. It was a scorpion crawling to my newborn. I freaked the freak out, grabbed my son, and hit the pillow. Great. Now the scorpion is on the floor. I grabbed Ryan & went screaming into the extra bedroom to my hubs about a scorpion. He was totally asleep, yet shot straight up in bed, trying to understand my yammering on about something. He jumped out of bed, armed himself with a wooden spoon & an empty McDonald's cup and went in search of the big, giant, mean scorpion. He found it. It was your run-of-the-mill, brown scorpion. Average in size. Totally normal for Oklahoma. Totally NOT normal for this Indiana girl who was still hormonal from just having a baby. I couldn't sleep in that bed knowing there were probably more lurking in the shadows! So, we checked into a hotel. We only had maybe 3 more weeks of still living in Oklahoma, and neither my hubs or I were comfortable with where we were living... so he sent Ryan & I back home to Indiana early, and he packed up all of our belongings & drove everything home a few weeks later. Stupid scorpions.

That's enough fear for today! What are your fears? Rational or irrational?

Day 4 -- Songs I Currently Love

Today's prompt is... Songs I Currently Love

Wow. This is going to be difficult, mainly because I rarely listen to the actual radio, or anything current, really. I'm a victim of set playlists on my phone, 80's on 8, 90's on 9, HairNation, and a list of others on satellite radio. And let's be honest, my taste in music is ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE. and not always appropriate. Please don't judge me on the music I listen to! And I'll just admit it right now though, I'm totally stuck in the 80's and 90's for most of my music choices. I can't help it.

So, maybe I'll break it down into music categories? Once again, look at me being a rebel. Ha! These are just songs that put a smile on my face, make me have a little pep in my step, make me feel like a badass (because I'm so not a badass in real life), what have you... and more than likely, there is very little current music.

COUNTRY 

"Feel Like A Rock Star" -- Kenny Chesney; "Redneck Woman" -- Gretchen Wilson;
"T-R-O-U-B-L-E" -- Travis Tritt; "Rough & Ready" -- Trace Adkins; "The Wind" -- Zac Brown Band

80's HAIR BANDS 

"Thunderstruck" -- AC/DC; "Animal" -- Def Leppard; "Rag Doll" -- Aerosmith; "Dr. Feelgood" -- Motley Crue; "Still Of The Night" -- Whitesnake; "Lick It Up" -- KISS

OLD-SCHOOL RAP & HIP HOP 

"It's Tricky" -- Run DMC; "Shoop" -- Salt 'n' Pepa; "Beats To The Rhyme" -- Run DMC; "Going Back To Cali" -- LL Cool J;  "Motownphilly" -- Boys II Men; "Joy & Pain" -- Rob Base & DJ Easy Rock

"I'M RUNNING & NEED TO PICK UP THE PACE" 

"Master of Puppets" -- Metallica; "What You Waiting For?" -- Gwen Stefani; "One" -- Metallica

"I'M DANCING ON THE TREADMILL WHILE I WALK/RUN BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE TO EXERCISE, SO I'M TRYING TO MAKE IT FUN" 

"Party Up (Up in Here)" -- DMX; "Me Too" -- Meghan Trainor; "Perm" -- Bruno Mars; "Land of 1000 Dances" -- Wilson Pickett; "Love Train" -- The O'Jays

70's RELIVING MY CHILDHOOD 

"Fox On The Run" -- Sweet; "Bohemian Rhapsody" -- Queen; "Band On The Run" -- Paul McCartney and Wings; "Yellow Brick Road" -- Elton John; "Goodbye Stranger" -- Supertramp

CHRISTIAN 

"Indescribable" -- Chris Tomlin; "Soul On Fire" -- Third Day; "My Story" -- Big Daddy Weave; "Holy Spirit" -- Francesca Battistelli; "Dear Younger Me" -- MercyMe

80's REGULAR 

"The Stroke" -- Billy Squier; "Rapture" -- Blondie; "Make Me Lose Control" -- Eric Carmen; "Rock The Casbah" -- The Clash; "Freeze Frame" -- J Geils Band; "Sweetheart" -- Frankie & The Knockouts; "Whirly Girl" -- Oxo; "Walk Like An Egyptian" -- The Bangles


The 70's list? Most of those were always playing from my brother & sister's stereos in their rooms. I distinctively remember listening to "Band On The Run" on my sister's stereo, complete with the giant headphones, while jumping on my her bed. I wasn't supposed to be jumping on her bed, but I did anyway. The 80's Hair Bands? That's high school for me... driving in my big whale of a convertible. I wore out 3 of Motley Crue's "Dr. Feelgood" cassettes. THREE. The "I'm Running & Need To Pick Up The Pace" list? There was a time not too long ago when I ran half-marathons. Those 3 songs were sprinkled into my playlist so if I had slowed down, I'd hear one & get back on pace.

So there's little peek into my warped music world. Like I said, I'm all over the place, but hey, maybe there are some songs on here that you've never heard! Look them up. Listen to them. Music has a wonderful way of transporting you through time. And the minute you hear a familiar song, you can remember exactly where you were at one point in time... and I think that's pretty darn cool!

Day 3 -- Ways To Win My Heart

The prompt for today is... Ways To Win My Heart.



1. Bring me flowers just because. I'm not talking a huge professional bouquet or anything. Daisies, Hyacinths, Tulips, or Roses. Doesn't have to be fancy, but I love looking at them. The only exception here is for Valentine's Day, and then forget the flowers -- they're overpriced.

2. Well, food is always a good choice. Chips & Queso, Doritos, Peanut Butter M&M's, Twizzlers, and Blue Bell Vanilla Bean ice cream are some of my favorites. I'm not a dainty "I'll just have this salad & water" eater. Bring on the tailgate food. Bring on meat & potatoes. Just bring food.

3. Tell me I've done something right or well. I'm a stay-at-home-mom. We don't get a lot of "good job" or "way to go" comments. Things just get done & you go on with life... which is usually fine. Just every now & then, it's nice to hear that you're doing something right. After reading "The 5 Love Languages" book by Gary Chapman, I found that my love language is words of affirmation. So, there you go.

4. Keep me fed -- I get "hangry", like Betty White needs a Snickers, hangry. Or, see #2. I'm sensing a food pattern here. Hmmm...

5. Send me a text, message, card, smoke signal, whatever... just to say "hi". I mean, who doesn't like to know they're being thought of from time to time, right? Sometimes I wake up with someone on my mind and heart, and I try to shoot them a text letting them know that I'm thinking of them.

6. Clean up the dishes from dinner. I love to cook, I just don't enjoy cleaning it all up.

What are some ways to win YOUR heart?

Day 2 -- My Favorite Quote

Well geez, way to stump me on the second day... the prompt for today is My Favorite Quote. It's not that I don't have one, because I do. It's that I'm not sure I can narrow it down to just one! So, maybe I'll break them into categories. Look at me breaking the rules already. #rebel

My life verse:

"Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of 

what had been spoken to her by the Lord." 

-- Luke 1:45

When I'm feeling overwhelmed:
A poem called "Don't Quit". This was introduced to me by one of my best friends from high school who passed away. You see, at the time, she was battling lung cancer. She had this framed by her bed, and she read it every single day. She fought cancer for much longer than any of the doctors anticipated, and I truly believe this was a contributing factor.

DON'T QUIT

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will;

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;

When the funds are low and the debts are high;

And you want to smile but you have to sigh.

When all is pressing you down a bit --

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;

The silver tint on the clouds of doubt;

And you can never tell how close you are;

It may be near when it seems so far.

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit --

It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.

-- John Greenleaf Whittier

When I'm feeling restless with myself:

"For what it's worth: It's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over." 

-- F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Use me, God. Show me how to take who I am, who I want to be, and what I can do, and use it for a purpose greater than myself." 

-- Martin Luther King Jr.

I think these should be sufficient for today. What are some of your favorite quotes?

Day 1 -- 20 Facts About Me

It's the first of November! Bring on the holiday craziness!!

After a friend posted in a group about setting goals for the month, I decided that I wanted to practice self-care more by exercising at least 20 minutes per day. This will be big for me because... I DO NOT like to sweat! So, we'll see how this pans out.

Piggy-backing onto self-care, something that I've always enjoyed doing is writing. I'm not great, but I'm not awful at it either. I figure maybe the more I do it, the better I'll become? Sooooo... I've decided to challenge myself to blog once a day for the month of November.

My prompt for today is 20 Facts About Me:

1. I met my husband through one of my roommates in college. When we started dating, he had my dad as a professor. That wasn't awkward for him at all...

2. I'm a proud mom to 2 wonderful boys. Becoming a mom was by far, one of the most rewarding things in my life. My kids are my life.

3. When I write on paper, I print everything in all caps. When I sign my name, I write in cursive. Once in a blue moon, I'll write everything in cursive... and then I get a hand cramp.

4. I'm a photographer when time allows. My entire life, I've looked at the world through an imaginary camera. I find small details, textures, or landscapes that someone else probably wouldn't look at twice. Black & white photos are my favorite. However, I've purposely slowed down taking pictures due to free time being sparse, and family time, to me, is more important.

5. I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue. So can my grandma and my youngest son.

6. I love all things baby. My youngest son refers to me as "the baby whisperer". You hand me a crying baby, and I can calm them down/put them to sleep.

7. I don't like to end things on odd numbers. #quirky

8. I have fibromyalgia. I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns.

9. I'm actually quite shy and introverted. I like to observe situations/people before I jump in with interactions. And if we interact, I'm majestically awkward -- you've been warned. However, if I'm comfortable around you, I'll talk your legs off & am a total goofball.

10. I want to go to Paris. I dream about being there at least once a week... it's weird. I can only speak like 4 phrases in French that I learned in 6th grade (Thanks, Mrs. Scarcelli!). Good luck to me!

11. I am at my most relaxed state when on a beach. I love the ocean, but I am a water snob. I need to be able to see to the bottom. Y'know, so I can see what's about to bite my leg off? HA! Same rule applies to lakes.

12. I love to scuba dive. It's so peaceful, and you see something new each time you go.

13. I can't stand the taste of Dr. Pepper. Actually, I don't really drink pop (or Coke, or soda... depending on where you're from).

14. I love convertibles. I love the feel of the top down, sun shining in, radio blasting, and wind in my hair. That's an instant stress-reliever for me.

15. I don't really like idle chit-chat (introvert problems). If I let you into my life, I want to know everything about you, not just surface stuff.

16. I have one tattoo. I never thought I'd get one because it's really "not me", but it's of 3 daisies I've doodled my whole life. I was going through a rough patch at the time, and it now reminds me to never give up.

17. I changed my major 3 times in college... Advertising, Hotel Management, and I ended up in Aviation Management. Side note: I've never enjoyed school. Ever. My husband, on the other hand, LOVED school, which is probably the reason he was valedictorian of his high school class & I was not. lol!

18. I make my bed and vacuum my TV room every day. If I don't, my head might explode. The rest of my house is a different story. lol!

19. I love taking naps. One of my cats loves to take naps with me. If you find the two of us in a sunbeam, we're worthless.

20. I have an unhealthy love for Sharpie markers. Give me ALLLLLL the markers!

Who'd have thought?

Do you ever really think ahead when you pick out a t-shirt? So yesterday, I needed to run a couple of errands, and then come home to plant some things. It was humid & sticky outside, so I wanted something dry-fit. I chose my red USAF Marathon shirt, mainly because it actually fit, but also because it went well with the black shorts I was wearing. Nothing cosmic, just trying not to clash... except for my hot pink purse. That clashed horribly. Oh well. I wasn't planning on being photographed by any paparazzi, so it was okay just this once. LOL! Long story short, I picked the shirt because it was comfortable.

So I got to Fresh Thyme, a "good for you" grocery store. I was there last week & purchased a mint plant, because I love me some mint tea in the summer! I noticed that they also had other herb plants, but didn't really need them, so thought if they were still on my mind, I'd come back another time. Well, I kept thinking about them, so I got a Thyme, Rosemary, and Basil plant. I'm envisioning cooking with fresh herbs and my kitchen smelling like a slice of heaven. The reality will probably be me carrying out dead plants due to neglect, but a girl can dream, right?

I get to the check-out area, and the cashier, Elaina, strikes up a conversation about my USAF Marathon shirt. She asked what I enjoyed most about that particular race. I had to stop and think because it has been quite a few years since I've actually run that very race. But I came back with "The course! It is by far, my favorite race course I've done to date." Then she asked why? "Well, it's not as crowded as the Indy Mini Marathon, it has hills (even though I secretly hate going UP those hills... going down is a nice respite), the base, airplanes, and camaraderie! My husband is in the Air Force, and it's a race we enjoy doing together." She seemed genuinely interested, and stated that she'll have to look into doing that race! She also asked me to thank my husband for his service. Now, she could've easily NOT made conversation, or just said general pleasantries, but I have to say that I was delighted with the conversation. I had left my house completely frustrated, and wasn't in a great mood. She didn't know that, but it totally turned my day around. I hope she realized what a few kind words did for me, and for taking interest in something that I once enjoyed. It got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, I should set a goal to do another half-marathon someday. Someday.

I walked out to my car with a little more spring in my step than before. Then I headed to my next stop, Menards, a midwest hardware-one-stop-shop store. I needed some lightbulbs, potting soil, a pot, and y'know, whatever else caught my eye. I had most of what I needed, and was headed out to the gardening area to get my gardening stuff when an older gentleman employee named Jeff stopped & said "What made you decide to do the Air Force Marathon? Where did you go to do it?" It sort of took me a minute... why are people so interested in this shirt? I told him that I actually did the half-marathon, and that I did it with my husband because he's in the Air Force, and that we did the race over in Dayton, OH, at Wright-Patterson AFB. He immediately said "Please tell your husband 'thank you for your service'", to which I said that I would definitely pass that along -- always happy to do that! He then said "You & I should be really good friends. I happen to love the military, and all things airplanes... except I'm scared to fly." Then he went on to tell me that his dad loved jumping out of airplanes, and how they used to spend time together going to air shows, and learning about different planes. He asked lots of questions, and I was so happy to have made a new friend, albeit in the middle of the aisle with fencing and decking materials. He asked me if I had a few minutes for another story, to which I said "of course! I have nowhere to be." So we stood & talked some more. He finished with his story & said he should get back to work, so off we went. On my way back from the gardening area, we passed each other again, and he stopped to tell me a cheesy joke... and I wish I could remember it (I'm horrible with jokes), but it made me giggle. I told him I was really thankful to have met him, and he said the same.

I left my errands with a renewed sense of community. You see, we don't live in an area where military families are prominent. The base where my husband flies out of is an hour away from where we live, and most people don't really even realize it's there. I guess I appreciated these two people because they genuinely supported our military, and our family. But they also seemed genuinely interested in something that I once loved, and it gave me the opportunity to share that love with them.

I'm not even really sure what the point is to this story, but I felt compelled to share. Sometimes things catch you off-guard, like the conversation about my shirt, but lead you to meet new people, and to share part of your story. These two people changed the outlook of my day. Maybe the big man upstairs knew I needed that. Who knows. All I do know is that I was grateful for the adult conversation, and for the opportunity to know there is still good in the world.

When your firstborn leaves the nest...

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. I mean, if you’ve survived the infant & toddler years, I don’t have to tell you this. But I can’t say that the teen years are much easier. With each year comes a new dynamic, a new struggle, and a new way of trudging through.

Enter the “moving your firstborn to college” period.

You are never adequately prepared for the range of emotions you’ll feel. One minute, the teen is giving you attitude & you can’t WAIT for them to get to college. The next minute, they do something so sweet that you just can’t imagine how you’ll ever survive without them under your roof.

The summer prior to them heading off is full of big ideas, memory-making thoughts, and maybe even a big trip. You’re wanting to make the most of these remaining precious days, right? Well, sometimes that happens, and sometimes it doesn’t. Our summer was a little weird, and things didn’t go as planned, but we still made the most of it. We were able to take a big trip, and as much as the oldest teen protested because “Mom, we can make memories at home…”, he thoroughly enjoyed himself. In fact, we all enjoyed ourselves! 

Getting these kids in the mindset to pack for college is a whole ‘nuther story. I have a son. I have a son who isn’t too interested in putting away laundry, or knowing where most things are… he just sort of takes each day as it comes & doesn’t stress over things. That’s fine, he’s always been that way. Why I thought he’d snap into “total organization & planning mode” is beyond me. 

Packing for college isn’t like packing for a weekend trip. It’s packing up anything & everything you’ll need on a daily basis for weeks/months at a time. It took my son up until 2 days prior to us leaving to finally realize this! Then I handed him a list of things I thought he should pack. Y’know, the one I’d been stressing over for weeks? In true son fashion, he didn’t stress about it. We had the packing area on the extra bedroom bed so it was easier to see everything & not have the distractions of other things in his room (aka: shiny objects).

First started the laundry. We washed ALLLLL the things. I swear what felt like 37 loads later, everything was clean, folded, & in stacks on his bed.

We stacked shirts, socks, pants, shorts, underwear, shoes. We went and bought more socks & underwear to alleviate having to do laundry every single week. (not that he would’ve anyway, but it put my mind at ease a little!) He did admit it was easier to see things this way. Score one for mom!

All of his shoes fit into a duffle bag. All of his folded clothes fit into his dad’s huge military duffle bag. All of his clothes on hangers were covered with a trash bag, and laid neatly over the huge duffle bag. Now came the other “essentials”… FOOD (because, boys), toiletries, more FOOD, Command adhesive hooks, power strips, extension cords, fans (because his dorm doesn’t have air-conditioning), a rug, a microwave, a 3-drawer plastic storage container, school supplies, laundry hamper… you get the gist. ALL OF THE STUFF.

We made our dining room “College Central”, and once you see all the STUFF (and it takes over the entire room) you think, “how in the world is this all ever going to fit?!”

And the lists. OMG, the lists. To-do lists. To-pack lists. To-buy lists. To-look-for lists. To-not-lose-your-mind lists… oh wait, I think I lost that one. ;) Notebook paper lists. Post-it Note lists. Scribbled on envelopes lists. Lists everywhere. You check things off of those lists & feel like you’ve really accomplished something! Until you realize you purchased the wrong size/shape/color/whatever. Because, MOM! I can’t take THAT… #whatevs

The days start ticking down, and you start realizing all of the “lasts”… last night in his bed for a while, last dinner together as a family, last breakfast, last (fill in the blank). Then the emotions come. Sometimes in waves, sometimes all at once, sometimes all day. I think it depends on the amount of sleep you get the night before… which, you aren’t getting a lot of sleep because of the millions of things that are running through your mom brain as you prepare to launch your baby out of the nest.

In preparation of leaving, my kids got gifts for each other. My youngest picked out a coffee mug and a stuffed animal for my oldest. My oldest picked out an outfit donning his college’s name for my youngest. When they exchanged these gifts, the reactions were unexpected. There were tears. Lots of tears. And I don't know about you, but when I see someone else crying, I start to cry — it was a complete and total cry-a-rama. My youngest, between sobs, said to my oldest, “You know all those times I said ‘I hate you’… you know I didn’t mean it, right?”, to which my oldest responded with, “I know buddy, I know.” — and with that, my heart crumbled. For as much as these two act like they don’t like each other, they truly love and care for each other. 

Move-in day came, and my oldest was up and going, but dragging his feet at the same time. He got up to see his younger brother off to high school, and the goodbye was strained. They each wanted to be strong for each other. The goodbyes to the animals were long & sweet. We took pictures by the fully-packed Suburban. Then we each sat in the car for a minute. The only things going through my mind were 1) don’t cry…don’t cry…don’t cry; 2) How in the world is he old enough to be going to college?; 3) don’t cry… don’t cry… don’t cry. So I said “Let’s DO this!”, and threw the family truckster in reverse. He had the window down & kept looking out. I could see in the reflection of the side mirror, there were tears welling up. This was his goodbye to the neighborhood for a while. So, I just turned up the radio & let him have these last moments.

On the way to his college, we talked… a lot. It’s like the last 18 years I’ve had life lessons to teach him, and all of the sudden, I’m trying to cram in the ones I haven’t taught him yet! I’m certain he wished he would’ve had his earbuds handy because I was blabbering on non-stop. So yeah, I was filling the silence with yammering on & on about campus safety, drinking, “don’t be a bone head”, “make good choices”, “don’t do stupid things like I did”, blah blah blah. He probably wanted to gouge his eardrums out with whatever blunt object was nearest to him, but he was kind and listened, and was respectful to his yammering on & on momma.

We got to campus, and the nerves kicked in… for both of us. This was the city I grew up in and could navigate it like the back of my hand… and I made two wrong turns. What the heck?! We circled his dorm twice trying to find the check-in. Finally, we found the correct place & he jumped out to go get checked in. He looked back at me with a little bit of uncertainty, to which I nodded my head saying “you’re fine”, and off he went. As he checked in, I headed to the loading dock to have the Suburban unloaded.

I’m just going to say, things have certainly changed over the years. When I moved into this college a thousand years ago, there was no one to help you unload your car — that was all on your own. But now, they have entire crews that are happy & smiling & full of energy that meet you at your car and schlep your stuff up to your student’s room lickety-split! I mean, our vehicle was unloaded in less than 10 minutes! After that, I parked it, and met my kiddo outside of his dorm — because it’s an all-boys dorm, he has to escort me in. Of course, he’d been in the dorm all of 10 minutes and had no idea which door to go out to meet me, but we finally found each other.

This year’s incoming freshman class was the largest this university has ever had. Hooray!! Except, he didn’t exactly end up in the dorm that he & his roommate wanted. In fact, the dorm he ended up in wasn’t even on his list. And after seeing his room, I’m guessing at one time, this was a single room that now has two people to share it. Fantastic. 

My son is 6’2”, and has a wingspan of who knows what… but he can put both of his arms out & almost touch both sides of his room. I’m curious what the dimensions of a prison cell are, because I’m pretty sure this room could double as one. If my son & his BFF are still friends at the end of this year, it’ll be a miracle living in close quarters like this! 

You should’ve seen the two of us wrestle the mattress on his loft while trying to put on a mattress encasement. I didn’t need to go to the gym, I think I sweated off at least 10 pounds that day! (hey, a girl can dream, right?) We played “Tetris: College Dorm Room Edition” for nearly three hours trying to get his room arranged to accommodate everything we brought + the desks + futon + dressers + everything else. Did I mention that his room doesn’t have air-conditioning? And there were 7 of us in that teeeeeeny-tiny room. Yeah, that was fun.

It was a long and hot day. After we got his room set up, we had to go and get some gear for one of his classes. While we were out, we grabbed a bite to eat for dinner. My son was somber at dinner, and his appetite was almost non-existent…which is very unusual because, well, boys eat all. the. time. We had some good talks, and decided it was time to get him back to his dorm before a mandatory meeting.

The drive back to his dorm was pretty quiet. We were both trying to avoid what was coming, but also trying to keep the conversation light. I found a parking spot as close to his dorm as I could, and then we just sat there for a minute. I looked at him & just lost it. This was the goodbye I had been dreading all day. All year, actually. I know it’s crazy because I know I’ll see him soon, but it’s still a big goodbye. I told him how incredibly proud his dad & I are of him, how I know he’ll excel, and what a wonderful human being he is. We shared tears and “I love you’s”… and more tears. I love that my kid isn’t afraid to show his emotions. I love that he loves his momma. I told him to “go & be great”. And I know he will.

He got out of the Suburban and walked to his dorm down the street. He’d look back & I’d wave. Most of him disappeared behind a car, but I could still see his head… and it was the same toddler head I had seen many times. Then the rest of him appeared… still resembling that same toddler. And I cried. My BABY was on his own. I know he’s not a baby. I know he’s not a toddler. But for that quick glimpse, that is what I saw. But what I also saw was a fine young man who is off to college to do amazing things.  

Granted, my son is only a little over an hour away from home. I know he’ll be back, but at the same time, each time he’ll come back, it’ll be different. He'll be different. He will grow as an individual. The dynamic will never be the same as it was. And that’s fine — it’s how we evolve. But it’s still change.

From what I’ve learned during this season is that this is a process. It’s almost a grieving process to an extent. Someone who was always here, now isn’t. Someone you’ve known every daily detail about, will now become somewhat of a stranger. It’s an odd feeling. Side note: I’m just going to say… for any parent who has lost a child, I cannot even begin to imagine how you cope on a daily basis. I just can’t. And how you do, well, just know that you all are heroes to me. Plain and simple.

I would also liken this experience to childbirth — and hang with me for a minute here. Y’know how when you’re pregnant, people will tell you stories of how things went for them, or what to expect, and you listen & think “yep, I’ve totally got this!”. Well, dropping your kids off isn’t really much different. Everyone has a different experience. Everyone will tell you what worked for them, and how their kids reacted. But you don’t actually “get it” until you go through it yourself. I have much more feeling & empathy for anyone who has gone through this & I didn’t acknowledge (and I’m so sorry!), or anyone who is currently going through this & is hurting, or anyone that will go through next year at this time & has no idea what’s about to hit them.

Yes, I’m incredibly happy for my child — what parent wouldn’t be? Yes, I know he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing — it’s a right of passage! Yes, I know I’ve raised a great kid. But I’m also a little sad, okay? I’m sad that I won’t see his face each morning at breakfast & each night at dinner. I’m sad that I won’t know what’s happening each day in his life. I’ve known all of these things for the past 18 years, and now, BOOM!, I won’t. So please, let me be sad for a hot minute, okay?

I know that once everyone gets into their respective grooves, this will all be a distant memory, but for right now, our worlds are a little wonky. We’re all learning something new. It’s a transition, if you will.

I’ve learned is that there is a whole giant community of other parents who have done this ahead of me, who have given some excellent advice. My sister, for example, said “Allow yourself to be sad & have your feelings. After about 3 weeks, it’s like a switch will flip, and you’ll realize that everything is and will be just fine.” Another sweet friend said, “I would sit at home and cry because I missed my daughter so much. After a while, I got used to her not being there, and then I started to enjoy my own time. After a while, everything becomes fine again.” Another friend said, “It’s like a trauma… not necessarily a bad trauma, but a trauma nonetheless.” But the majority of people all say “Let yourself have your feelings. You have to process them to move forward.” And you know what? They’re ALL absolutely right! It’s perfectly OKAY to have these feelings. And it’s perfectly okay to NOT have these feelings, too… but that’s just not how I’m wired, so I’m having ALL THE FEELINGS.

I’m still within the first couple of weeks of dropping my kid off. The goodbye was brutal on this momma’s heart. But thanks to modern technology, I can text, FaceTime, and Snapchat my kid… and the beauty of it is, he reciprocates just as often. He has texted and called with news of good things, and is genuinely excited! And that, well, that makes this momma’s heart smile. 

To all of my fellow parents who are also in this season, I hear you... I see you... I AM you. We're all in this crazy boat together! So let's link arms and support each other through this, okay? We've GOT this, and so do our kids!

Over 40 and Challenged

Challenged in so. many. ways.

I was recently uploading some pictures from my camera, and I like to look through them as they are on my computer screen & remember what has happened in my life over the span of time. As much as I hate to admit, I don't sync my phone like I should. In fact, I probably do it like, twice a year. GASP!

I don't like to admit that I'm challenged in the technology area, because I'm not completely helpless... yet. But here's the thing, I don't understand the "Cloud". But really, does anyone understand the Cloud? I mean, everything mysteriously disappears from your phone & ends up there... but I couldn't find it again if my life depended on it. So okay, maybe I am a little challenged in the technology department. I'm sure I could ask my 4 year old great-nephew to explain it to me someday. For the time being, I'll just wing it.

Our little smart phones do so much for us, but I think they do it for us a little too much. I mean, we don't have to carry around a separate camera, calculator, compass, map, iPod, calendar... okay, you get the idea. Everything is compact & cute right there in our hands. When I think about it, do my kids know how to read a map? I doubt it. They have Siri, why do they need to read a map? Siri just tells them where to go! Now I'm wondering, do they even still sell maps?! Remember the gigantic Rand McNally atlas that we all used to have in our cars? Y'know, just in case you decided to hop in your car & take a cross-country trip... when in reality, we probably just stayed in our respective states -- but we were prepared, just in case!

So the point I'm getting to is this... I'm starting to feel challenged in mundane, everyday activities. I can barely walk on a flat surface without tripping. Honest to the man upstairs, I am anything BUT graceful. I sometimes pee a little bit when I laugh now. I jogged like 4 steps & blew out my calf muscle...ended up in a walking boot (one month & still going strong!). My eyes can't focus on things up close anymore. On girls weekends, we hold menus up across the table for each other. I have to take naps. I peruse Pinterest for the latest & greatest anti-wrinkle remedy. FYI, I'm trying Castor Oil right now -- seems to be working -- and if it doesn't I'll take a teaspoon of it & I'll be regular forEVER. I highly doubt Oil of Olay will be making that claim anytime soon, amiright?

So I keep hearing "40 is the new 30". I don't know. I don't recall doing any of the above when I was 30, do you? Now, don't get me wrong, I'm actually loving my 40's. I feel like I have a lot of things figured out. People, purpose, my closet. Y'know, the big things. But these things I have yet to figure out... selfies and selfie sticks. And I don't think I'm alone here. And if you were wondering, yes, these are BIG important things!

Photography is my hobby, but you won't ever find me hauling my big rig of a camera around with me to take pictures of myself. I mean, that thing is heavy for one... but trying to turn it around, getting it focused, and getting myself in the picture? Fuhgetaboutit. Enter the compact & cute smartphone I was talking about earlier. Y'know, the one with the mysterious cloud? Yeah. They've made it super duper easy to take pictures of yourself now. Well, kind of. I mean, if you're 13, you have it down to a science. If you're 40-something, you might think you have it down to a science, but you really don't. Being that I love to take pictures to remember things, I love to take pictures when I'm with my friends. I do this mainly because of my decrepit brain & the fact that I don't remember things like I used to. But who doesn't love pictures of friend get-togethers?! I happen to love looking back at us over the years.

I have a group of girlfriends from high school, and we take a "selfie" each time we're together. It's always fun to see our pictures from over the years. Usually we're in the same order, but it's a common occurrence that one of the end people gets half of their face cut off. Gretchen & I are always in the picture because DUH, we picked the prime middle spots! Tammy is always voted to take the picture because she has the longest arms, and more often than not, either she or Amy get cut out of the picture. But before the cute & compact smartphones, we had to use a regular camera, and we never could see if we all made it into the picture. And then there's the whole "wait, where do we look? Is it that little dot? The middle of the screen?" dilemma. Half of us are looking at the dot, the other half at the middle of the screen. We're hot messes.

This past Christmas, I got a selfie stick in a White Elephant gift exchange. SCORE! My immediate thought was how much cooler our Girls Weekend group pictures would be now! Flash forward to February when we had a much-needed Girls Weekend in downtown Indy. We all drove together so we could get the party started -- and by party, I mean we all considered taking a nap when we arrived, but that's beside the point. Here is our first selfie:

See, half of Gretchen's face is cut off. But at least we're having fun!!

So we tried the selfie stick. We decided to take it from above, y'know, so all of our chins didn't show up in the picture.

This was apparently an action shot!

And so was this one.

Annnnd, this one.

But we mean business. Sort of. See, Tammy needed that nap!

Okay, we started to figure it out.

Again, from up above because, chins.

If you only knew how many takes it TOOK us to get these pictures. Consider yourselves lucky that I didn't subject you to ALL of the pictures, but hey, we had fun!

So do you see what I mean with the selfies? I know some of my friends have it down -- I just don't. But you know what? I bet my picture role is waaaay funnier than theirs is! And you know what? I'd rather have that. Why? Because if you can't laugh at yourself, you're taking life too seriously. And anyone who knows me KNOWS I'm always up for a good laugh! And the other 3 ladies in these pictures? They're always up for a laugh, too. I asked them for their permission to use these, and we all had a good chuckle just remembering this weekend -- and the taking of the pictures is ALWAYS something we laugh about!

My point of this whole entry is this (and by the way, if you're still reading this without poking your own eyes out, thank you for sticking with me) -- embrace your challenges. Own them. Have FUN with them! Life is too short not to laugh. And if you need to laugh, I'll send you one of my selfies. They're guaranteed to make you laugh!

This is real life

You've heard the adage Kids say the darndest things, right?

Here is a recent conversation between the boys and I…

B: Mom, you have peach fuzz on your face.
J: (me, thinking OMG, did I sprout a beard overnight??! WTH, kid?!)
R: BRANDON! You don't say that out loud. You can't just tell a girl that she has peach fuzz on her face, right mom?
J: (still stunned that my kids are discussing the excessive amounts of hair on my face) Yes. Brandon, most girls don't want to hear that they have "peach fuzz". That might be something you'd want to keep to yourself.
B: I'm so glad I have you, mom. You're like my practice girl.
J: (visible question mark on my face) Huh?!
B: Y'know, like when I really want to talk to a girl, I'll know what to say to her because I've practiced saying it to you.

Glad I could be of service, son.

So, to all of my fellow peach-fuzz faced mom friends -- I feel you. I do. And there's nothing quite like an honest assessment of said peach fuzz coming straight from your darling offspring.

Heart Sisters: Be The Friend You Want To Have

I submitted an application and was invited to become part of a book launch team for Heart Sisters: Be The Friend You Want To Have and was asked to give a book review.

A little about the author… Natalie Snapp lives in West Lafayette, Indiana -- which holds a special place in my heart because it's my hometown! She is a lovely, down-to-earth mom, friend, and just an all-around amazing woman.

I'm going to be very honest and transparent here… I had the pleasure of hearing Natalie speak about "Heart Sisters" about a year ago at a ladies luncheon at one of my own Heart Sisters' church. I'm not going to lie, that day was monumental for me. Not only did I meet this amazing woman (and her mother, who is equally as amazing!), but it was the day I woke up and realized changes needed to be made in my life.

If you've read previous posts in my blog, you know that I have severe fibromyalgia. It doesn't define me, but it has forced me to make some lifestyle changes. I've had to pull back from lots of things, and with that came some health changes, some friendship changes, and just life changes in general. It's been a very trying couple of years - both physically and emotionally. And please let me be the first to say -- I'm far from perfect. In fact, I'm very imperfect. I've been a good friend, and I've been a bad friend. I'm really working on the latter because I did a lot of things wrong. Sometimes life situations change people -- and I will be the first to admit, I've changed. To me, I feel it's for the better. To others, they may not feel the same. All I know is that I've done what I needed to do for ME.

The Heart Sisters book touched on so many things that I was struggling (and still do struggle) with. Natalie had been through issues with friends in the past as well, and discovered that a book on how to navigate these waters didn't exist… so she wrote one. And wow, has it ever been helpful!!

Through counseling and this book, it has been reinforced over and over… and Natalie states it perfectly in Chapter 2, "Until we 'get right with God', we'll continue to spin our relational wheels and live with frustration and confusion." She also says, "it wasn't until I made my relationship with Jesus the #1 priority above all else that I began to realize my other relationships were lacking a certain depth I didn't even know was missing." I cannot agree with this more.

My journey of faith has had it's ups and downs over the years, but the past couple, it has really been stepped up. I found a church that I have been searching for, for what feels like all of my life, and for the first time ever, I feel like a soul on fire. And that's an awesome feeling, friends! My priorities are right where they should be. God, family, friends, and whatever else comes next.

After hearing Natalie speak about Heart Sisters, and hearing about the 3 Inner Hearts, which she also talks about in Chapter 3: Inner (1-3 most trusted friends), Middle (4-6 friends that you "do life with"), Outer (Season of Life friends), and Heart Potential (on the outside of "outer" (acquaintances) -- I was able to evaluate some relationships that I could feel weren't quite right.

After some issues arose with some friends that shook me to my core, it was suggested in counseling that I set boundaries…and Natalie talks about the very same thing in Chapter 6. She states, "boundaries are not unkind, boundaries are not un-Christian, boundaries are not ungrateful, boundaries are not unhealthy. When we place boundaries around unhealthy relationships, we're guarding our hearts." Yes Yes Yes! After some evaluating, I realized that I had some unhealthy relationships where boundaries had been crossed, trust had been broken, and there was a lot of hurt. I'm not going to say that I was perfect in any of this, because I'm not -- hurt feelings sometimes cause us to say and do things that we wish we could take back. We're all human, and sometimes our feelings get the best of us.

All of this left me thinking how grateful I was for the core women I have in my life…my Heart Sisters. My inner hearts. The ones who give encouragement, unconditional love, are God-centered, the ones I trust with my life, and the ones who are positive to their cores. They are the ones who can read me like a book and know when something is wrong…sometimes even before I know that something's wrong. They know my actions and my thoughts, and call me out when something's not right…like when I became extremely negative, when I acted like a jerk, and when I was depressed. These women pulled me aside, and I listened. In Chapter 4, Natalie says "Heart Sisters turn on the lights and stab you in the front so darkness is defeated." Just, yes.

There are so many things that spoke to me in this book -- I mean literally, I think I highlighted over half of the book! I could go on for pages and pages telling you about this book, but I'll spare you. I will say this, I wish a book like this had existed when I was younger! Friends are integral in life. Heart Sisters are such a blessing. And after reading this book, I was able to realize that some friends are/were for a season of life, some are Heart Sisters, some are mentors, and some are acquaintances. I was able to learn the difference between a clique and a tight-knit group, as well as the quality of friends over quantity. I was able to set boundaries with friends. I learned about being a peacemaker. I learned about Super Seven Sisters. I just learned… a lot. I'm ashamed to say that it took me until my 40's to learn some of these things!

Every woman needs to read this book not only for herself, but to share with their daughters…or those who are aunts to young girls…or mentors…or friends…or, or, or… you get the point. I cannot recommend this book enough!

With the risk of sounding corny, I believe that Natalie came into my life for a reason. From the moment I heard her speak, she spoke on so many things that were going on in my life. I had major friendship issues. She led online bible studies that spoke to me like a loud-speaker. This book has been part of a healing process for me, and now being able to share the book with you all, it has just all come full circle. Things happen for a reason, friends! I would just like to say thank you, Natalie, for having this vision, and seeing it come to fruition!

If you'd like to read and experience this book, you can find it here. If you are lucky enough to have Heart Sisters of your own, these books make excellent gifts.

I'd like to share (from Natalie) a spectacular giveaway going on right now! Check it out!

One lucky winner will receive a "Girl's Night Out" - includes a $100 Visa card, mani/pedi kit, fun summer polish, a clutch handbag and a camera.

You can enter by going to my Facebook Author Page (www.facebook.com/AuthorNatalieSnapp) and clicking the "Girl's Night Out Giveaway" tab. Follow the directions and voila! You're entered.

If you would like to share, the mobile friendly link is:http://prmo.me/5cM4qm

Boys will be boys...

This isn't going to be the "boys will be stinky boys" post that you might expect. This one has a little twist.

The back story:

So, yesterday wasn't a good day. The day started out with fibro pain & horrible fatigue, but I knew I needed to get several errands done - they needed to be done, and there was no putting them off. So, I contacted a friend to see if she wanted to ride along. I hadn't seen her in forever, and I knew if I had someone else along, my motivation would be much greater to get out of the bed that had accepted me as it's own.

I picked her up, we ran (okay, drove) all over the greater Hamilton County area, got our errands done, giggled, caught up (because it had been forever since we'd seen each other), had lunch, and I dropped her back to her home. I went home and crashed. My pain level was climbing quickly, and the fatigue… it felt like I had 50-lb weights attached to every limb of my body. I needed to rest.

As I was driving my friend home, my husband tried to FaceTime my phone. Now, I'm barely coordinated enough to talk on my phone while driving (ask anyone who has witnessed this!), so FaceTiming was out of the question. At a stop light, I texted him that I would FaceTime him as soon as I got home. Well, that never happened. FaceTime wouldn't connect on either end, so we resorted to a text conversation. Normally, that would be fine… but I really needed to hear his voice, and I just needed to really talk to him, y'know? It had been a day, and he's my one & only that can talk me through some specific things…and I needed him to do that. So we texted, and he still managed to talk me down, and I was grateful.

As the afternoon led to the evening, the fibro was kicking my hiney. I was driving the boys to their bible studies, and I cracked. I broke down. I started crying. I think the boys have only seen me cry maybe three times in their lives. I am not one to break down in front of people - I just don't. I can usually keep it together, but I just couldn't yesterday. Everything hit me at once & this was the result…which completely confused the boys. They didn't know what was going on. I mean, why would they?! When asked what was wrong, I gave them a vague Cliff Notes version. How they reacted was very true to their personalities.

Thing 1 responded in a very calm & cool manner, and the kid gave some sage advice. "Mom, you need to talk to someone you really trust, and they will guide you in the right direction, and can maybe help with a coping strategy." All of this from a 15-year old. (he's going to make a great husband!)

Thing 2 was very quiet & didn't say anything. I knew he was processing things, as he always does.

I dropped them off at their respective places, ran an errand, went home, cried, prayed, and felt better.

I picked up Thing 2 from his bible study first. He came out to the car, checked my expression to make sure I was okay, then smiled. He got in the car, gave me a hug, and said, "Mom, I prayed for you tonight." And my heart swooned…and my eyes started to fill up. This time, it wasn't because everything hit me at once…it was out of pure love. (he's going to make a great husband, too!)

I picked up Thing 1, and as he was walking to the car, he checked my expression as well, gave me a 'thumbs up', and climbed into the car.

So, in the midst of the chaos that we're experiencing right now, we are truly a team. As I was feeling every emotion known to man, I had two boys that were looking out for me. I hated that I broke down in front of them. They are feeling tons of emotions with their dad being gone right now, too. But as a friend said to me, "You're human. You have emotions! Sometimes they need to sneak out." And, she's right.

When you tend to stereotype boys, you think they don't have or show emotions. But that's just not true. These two have such beautiful hearts, and are very caring -- each in their own way. My pride in and for them is bursting right now! In all the ways I've failed, or at least thought I failed, I did two things right…and I could not be more proud of them!

And you know what? Today is a new day, and it's amazing what some sleep can do for your outlook on things.  :)

Wondering on Wednesday

I have a blogging friend who shares pictures every Wednesday with the title "Wondering on Wednesday".  She always finds funny things going on around her house & snaps a picture.  I decided to borrow that title today.

This morning when I was opening up the curtains in Thing 2's room, I happened to look out the window to find this...

First, please excuse the quality of this picture -- it was taken with my cell phone, and it's not super clear.  But second, do you see the handprint??  

All day long, I've been scratching my head, trying to figure out 1) how the hand print GOT there, and 2) WHYYYY is there a handprint outside of his window??!!  Was he trying to escape?!  

So, I asked Thing 2 when he got home what this was all about.  His answer?  "Mom, whenever it snows, I always grab the snow to see if it's 'snowball quality'…"  Ahhh, yes.  Snowball quality snow.

And, there you have it.  And in case you were wondering, the latest snow we had was NOT snowball quality.    

Big Pharma

In light of my last post, I thought I'd continue with the Fibromyalgia journey.  And a journey is just what it has been.

After doing a ton of research, I went to my doctor.  You see, the side-effects of my medication were (to me) outweighing any good it was supposed to be doing.  Whenever I'd call the doctor's office with a new "ailment", it was considered a side-effect of the medication.  And many times there was an offer of another prescription to alleviate said side-effect.  Had I gotten every prescription filled, I would've had the meds list of a 90-year old!  It was reaching the point of ridiculous for me.  I was too young to feel as old as I did, and as rotten as I did.  The bad days far outweighed the good, and my energy level was at an all-time low.  Horrible depression kicked in, which was ironic, because the medication I was on was in fact, an anti-depressant that was highly used for Fibromyalgia pain.  But with the depression, things started to spiral -- and not in a good way.

In the process of side-effect after side-effect, relationships started falling apart.  You see, when you're a hermit, people tend to think you're avoiding them… which couldn't have been farther from the truth.  When I don't feel well, I curl up in a ball and pretty much hide from the world.  Not because I want to, but because when I hurt, I hurt everywhere.  I can't be touched, and every single thing jumps up & down on my last nerve.  I will have the TV on, but the volume completely down…simply because I can't stand the noise.  So when I had a friend offer to come & sit with me, it was a beautiful gesture, but one that would've made me completely crazy.  How do you politely say "I'm sorry, but you being here will make me miserable, but…thanks anyway"??  So you see, this is how relationships can fall apart, friends & family included.  Which makes depression spiral even more.  You see people living their lives, and you're not able to live yours the way you want to -- so you just crawl back into your shell.  It's a vicious cycle.  I had to, however, be selfish and take care of myself.  I had to take back charge of my life!

Back to my doctor… after wanting to prescribe more & more prescriptions to alleviate side-effects, I asked him if I could just get OFF of the medications & see how things went.  Because in all honesty, I didn't feel anywhere near as bad before I started taking the Fibro meds.  He was very much against it.  BUT, he wasn't the one that was living inside my body, I was.  And I couldn't take living like that anymore!  I thanked him for his opinion, but asked him how I could get off of the meds.  Begrudgingly, he counseled me on how to titrate off of the medication, but with a side order of "when you come back in here begging to be put back on the meds, I'm not going to say 'I told you so' (but he would've)".  This was not one that you could just stop taking cold-turkey.  And boy, he was right.

If you want some light reading (insert sarcasm) sometime, Google "Cymbalta Withdrawal".  It's the stuff that nightmares are made of.  I'm not even kidding.

So on July 1st, I started my titration down off of the medication.  The first week wasn't so bad.  The second week was worse.  The third week was hell.  The fourth week was PURE hell.  The fifth week was a little better than hell.  The sixth week was okay.  The seventh week was doable.  The eighth week was good.  I had been on the medication for just a little over a year, and it took me eight weeks.  E-I-G-H-T WEEKS to feel somewhat like myself again.  For some people who had been on the meds for years & years, it takes them months & months & months to get back to normal.  I would have to say the "brain zaps" were the very worst.  The only way I can describe a "brain zap" is that it's like having a jolt of electricity shot up into your brain -- only you never know when it's coming.  Sometimes it would be in rapid succession, and others, just one at a time.  And it would sound like a cymbal crashing in your ear at the same time.  Add on the extreme nausea, and wow, I was a walking party.  A walking, exhausted party.  The nausea would hit between 2-3 pm, and would last until the next morning.  During this uber-fun time was our vacation, as well as my birthday.  Try scuba diving with "brain zaps"… not fun.  For my birthday, my husband surprised me by renting a convertible for me.  And I was so excited for it!  However, he had to drive it home from dinner because I was so sick.  Nothing like hanging your head in front of the a/c vent because you're afraid you're going to hurl all over the interior of this beautiful car!!  And when plans change and you can meet a best friend for a birthday cupcake (because you have extremely low blood sugar), and when plans change from a lake house location to a hotel, and your 3 best friends take care of you -- and enjoy your convertible (because your husband rented it for you for the entire weekend - because he's just THAT awesome!) in the spurts where you feel somewhat human…and the best friend who texted you daily, and the cousin that texted you daily… those times are golden.

Only a handful of people knew about me going off of the medication.  Why?  Because if I didn't succeed in coming off, I didn't want to look like a failure.  And these were people that I trusted with every bone in my body.  I now know what a drug addict must feel like.  As awful as I felt while ON that medication, the withdrawal symptoms were so vile, that it crossed my mind multiple times to just get back on it so I wouldn't have to feel the way I did.  And what a vicious, horrible cycle that would've been.

I know many people who have had great success with taking Cymbalta for Fibromyalgia, or for depression, and I'm happy & grateful for them.  I, however, am not a success story, and that drug to me, is the devil.  There is a time & place for "Big Pharma", and I'm coming to realize, it's just not always for me.  Please, don't get me wrong… if I'm really sick, I'll take the medicine!  But when it causes more problems than it's helping, well, it's not for me.

Want to know what side-effects I had while on the medication?  Better sit down…
          Weight gain, brain fog, memory loss, hair loss, headaches, nausea, dry mouth, dizziness, rash, swelling, pain, panic attacks, extreme thirst, low blood sugar, tremors, neuralgia, sweating, fever, insomnia, excessive fatigue, …and these are just the ones that come to mind at the moment.  Or, what's left of my mind!  It's very scary to me that this medication completely wiped out parts of my memory.  I don't recall a lot from the year I was on this medication.  And the year prior to that, while I was on two other medications, was nearly the same.

So, after I had completely detoxed off of the medication, I began to realize how "not myself" I had been for nearly two years.  I had energy again!  My pain was still there, but not as intense, and not so constant.  It was manageable.  I wanted to be social again.  I wanted to go out & DO things with my kids -- things I had been unable to do.  I felt like "me" again!

I started eating well.  I started exercising again (when I could).  I began meditating.  I utilized massage therapy & acupuncture.  I began using essential oils daily - for everything.  I reevaluated relationships.  And I gained my life back.

I owe my strength to God, because He was the one who got me through everything… I literally owe everything to Him… His faith never left me.  My gratitude for my husband & kids is unmeasurable.  My parents were paramount in my recovery.  The friends & family that stuck with me and didn't turn on a dime were & are invaluable.

All this to say that what this entire process boils down to is trust, and mine was shaken to its very core.  Trust your gut.  Trust your intuitions. Trust your journey.  If things don't feel right, they probably aren't.

I have to trust that my doctor had my best interest in mind, however writing extra scripts wasn't the solution for me.  I had to trust that I knew my body better than he did, since I was the one living in it, and saw it crumbling.  I had to trust those closest to me to help pull me through the best & worst.  I had to trust that taking care of myself from the inside out is what was best… and so far, that has been proven to me.

This past year has been a journey of trust.  One I choose to never repeat, and one I'm still reeling from, but I will get there.  My journey for 2015 is PEACE.  I've got to make peace with the past year in order to trust again.  Does that make sense?  While it sounds weird to say that I'm grateful for bad things that happened this year, I am.  Why?  Because it opened my eyes to so many new things.  Holistic healthcare.  My faith.  My relationships.  My well-being.  My journey.  Myself.

Trust = Peace.  Peace = Happiness.  Happiness = Journey.

I know not everyone will understand this journey, and that's okay.  It's my journey!  I hope you all can find your own, too!

J